The Boy #3.2 - The Kiss

Sorry for the delay between posts, I have had a crazy week (will post about that later) but here is the rest of what happened on Monday of this week with Mattie <3

Where had we got to? Oh yeah...lol we were pretending that we went to Eton. :P It must've been around like 8.30 - 9 at this point so we went and watched Glee. Aaron is not really a fan so went off to play on his Xbox or whatever, so it was just Mattie and I. 

We sat next to each other on the sofa, watching Glee (I have BARE love for Glee, literally wish that my school was like that, firstly more accepting but more so that people would just burst into camp songs like all the time!! - Alas don't think its gonna happen, although I can imagine Ethan wearing lycra for some reason - LOL) So we were just sitting there, and I was building up courage. He could've sat in one of the small arm chairs we have in our sitting room, but he sat really close to me on the sofa. 

I decided (about half way through Glee) that I would try something, that if it went tits up I could pretend it was a joke:

I pretended to yawn and raised my arms (in that classic move) and put them round his shoulders. He looked at me -- my heart pounding -- and smiled, leaning in to rest his head on my shoulder!! OMG it was just perfect. We sat like that for a long time, me casually stroking his back ^_^ 

We then had a conversation that went like this (more or less) 

M: Hey Felix? 

F: Yeah? 

M: You know you like boys...

F: Yeah....

M: Well have you ever kissed one? 

F: Erm, once. But that kinda ended badly. Do you remember me telling you about Ethan? 

M: Oh. Yeah. I remember. 

F: Why do you ask? 

M: I dunno, just wondered that's all. 

F: (deffo interested now!!) Oh right. Hehe, have you ever kissed a boy....or a girl, for that matter? 

M: Yeah I've kissed some girls, never kissed a boy though. 

F: Oh right. 

--

Then there was this silence for what seemed like ETERNITY - was probably only about two minutes or so. But I was debating what to do. I mean the way that Mattie was talking and the fact that I still had my arm around him and he seemed to be snuggling right up <3 kinda gave me the encouragement that I needed.

I nudged him gently, and he looked up at me and then possible the most amazing thing ever happened. 

I kissed him. 

And he kissed me back!!! 

It wasn't like a full make out session, but it wasn't just a peck on the lips either! It was a proper kiss. My first proper kiss with a boy, and it was with Matthew. I am still in shock. Lol, don't wanna sound clichéd but I definitely saw fireworks. 

F: Now you have kissed a boy....

M: Yeah, (he laughs) I guess I have (he properly hugged me then) Thanks Felix. 

F: Lol, what for? 

M: Just felt nice that's all.

I didn't want to push my luck or anything and not believing I just had my first kiss, we just sat there and cuddled for ages. Mattie actually fell asleep on me :/ Lol. He snored softly. **sigh** 

When mum got back at around 11 however, he had woken up and we were just chatting about school and things. He told me about the girl he had gone out with a few weeks before, but she was really boring and just wanted him to touch her O.O I know right?! Talk about being pressured into things. So apparently, he made some offhand comment about her being slightly on the chubby side, "fat thighs" I think was what he said and amazingly she dumped him. Lol, I never realised he had such a cheeky streak about him! 

Mum came home, absolutely wasted as per and it was really embarrassing actually because she only goes and CHUNDERS all over the kitchen floor before she could get to the toilet. URGH. I don't know how much she had been drinking, but obviously quite a lot - I think she and her friends must've started straight after work (5pm) and drunk for a good 5 hours solid before she came home - I still don't know whether she walked or was dropped off...amazingly she can't remember. 

ANYWAY.  I end up having to clear up her chunder, whilst Mattie bless him, offers to help and gets mum a glass of cold water and helps her into a chair in the dining room. Thankfully we have laminate floors otherwise it would have been a horrible job cleaning up her vom...

He is such a star, really, looking after mum and all that. Eventually when I have cleaned up and everything, we manage to get her up to bed, where I have to help her get into her nightie….talk about embarrassing.. I did sent Mattie away before he saw my mum in the nud….would’ve just been way too embarrassing. He seemed remarkably cool about it all. (lol, this is probs WAY too much information for you guys, but hey ho)

It was close to midnight now and I for one was very tired, so we got into our jammies and I got my sleeping bag out for him.

To be continued...

Stay tuned,

Felix <3 xxx

The Boy #3.1 - Beginnings

   Hi there everyone. Hope you are all ok :)
   [[[aside - so this post isn't HUGE I have split it into two parts]]]
   This post is all about the Boy (ie. Mattie). He came round to my house last night after school, so we could work on some lines together and so I could help him with some homework and stuff. We left school and took the bus home and laughed at all the....erm....eccentrics. There was this one guy who had those, "ear-stretching" disc things in his ears. YUK. They were horrible, his earlobes must have been at least triple the size. It was quite weird! Then there was this woman chatting loudly on her phone about her divorce...apparently the husband cheated on her with a floosy from his work! o.O I know right. Mattie and I just looked at each other and laughed!!
   We got back to my house and found Aaron playing Pokemon. Thankfully Mattie used to play Pokemon as well, so chatted to Aaron while I started the dinner. Lol, literally I am like a DOMESTIC GODDESS. We had pasta with wilted spinach and sun-dried tomatoes. *sigh* was so tasty.
   It was around 5:30 at this point (Mattie stayed after school for his singing rehersal/practice/thing) and mum still wasn't home.
   Mattie and Aaron hit it off right away and I found that they had moved on to playing Fifa on Aaron's Xbox - a game I am completely hopeless at. Anyhooo. After dinner Mattie and I spent some time learning lines. I'll admit now, that I couldn't really concentrate very much. He was so cute and kept smiling at me with such a cheeky grin I just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go *blush*
   I kinda wanted to talk about my feelings for him, but I didn't want to come on too strong / put him off forever / scare him...and after all that shit with Ethan, I am definitely more wary about showing my feelings for people, but Mattie is so sweet and obviously knows that I'm gay - how can you not at my school!? But I still didn't know whether he was straight / bi / gay / trans (well, not trans but you get the idea).So the fact that he always seems so comfortable around me kinda made me hopeful.
   Mum got in at 11pm (having been out with her friends - on a Monday?! Jeesh. She does my head in sometimes) Aaron bless him, had already done his homework before Mattie and I got home. I felt kinda bad for making him stay at home on his own for a bit, but he is 11 and I have made sure he knows how to look after himself and everything, so I wasn't worried. It was just the three of us in the house. Tres quiet.
   Mattie and I giggled together and chatted whilst I helped him with some homework - some Science, English and I tried to help with the maths but it was clear that he really didn't need my help - clever chap this Matthew!!
   Although he had forgotten to bring a hoodie or a cardigan to wear and my house can get a bit cold sometimes, especially since our boiler is...erm iffy to say the least. So he asked if he could borrow something. Lol, I got really excited and got him my favourite one. Hehe. He looked so nice in it. <3 It's one of those grey Jack Wills ones; it's like my baby - I got it for Christmas and it came in a proper box with a ribbon!!!! Very exciting present. <-- irrelevant but nice bit of trivia for you :-D
   Hehe...I kept inching my leg closer to his under the table, without him noticing until they were touching...I dunno sounds kinda stupid but my heart was pounding in my chest.
   And then possibly the best thing ever happened. Literally thought I had just died and gone to heaven.
He got a call on his mobile. It was his mum. Apparently, his sister had gone out to her boyfriends house and his mum and dad wanted to go to the pub (ya know, to have some "adult time"), but that meant that they would have a glass of wine and therefore couldn't drive. She was calling to see whether he wanted to come home then (at like 7) where he would be home alone, to which he said no, he was "having fun." So she suggested that, provided that it was ok with my mum (lol, as if she is the responsible one!) it was fine if Mattie wanted to stay the night....OMG I LITERALLY COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. If it had been a film, I would have fainted. :P Lol. Ok, maybe not but still I was very excited. Apparently he had all his stuff with him and I could lend him a shirt for school, so it was no biggy at all. I have a four season sleeping bag, which he could use - no problems there and within ten minutes it was all sorted. He was staying over. OMG. OMG. OMG.
Part of our conversation went like this...thought I'd share it because it was just so cute.

---

Mattie: Hey Felix, you sure that it's ok for me to stay?
Felix: Yeah sure thing! No problem. (in a pretend posh voice) We are very grateful that the young sir has chosen our fine establishment to stay in tonight....
Mattie: (in an equally false posh voice) Why thank you my good man. It is a pleasure to spend this evening with you.

---

Lol and then I think he blushed...I couldn't tell but I think he did. We then spent the next 10 minutes at least pretending we were from Eton. AND THEN he laughs at one of my terrible jokes (and it was terrible) so hard that he snorts! OMG. He seemed so embarrassed but it was so cute - I just wanted to pinch his cheek. 

He was just so easy to talk to.

We get on so well.

*sigh* 

TO BE CONTINUED....

Felix xxx

PS. I know I am going into quite a lot of detail but it just feels so good to write it down. It makes things seem more real to me. Sorry if these posts are really long or boring and don't really have a point to them. I just like writing. <3 

The Adventures of Merlin #1

Hi. My name is Merlin.
I was found in an old drawer and Felix and I hit it off right away :)

My favourite colour is red....just like my scarf.

I <3 Percy lots and lots.

Well, that's me. 

See you soon,

Merlin ^-^

L'amour

You know when you fall into one of those deep, romantic, dreamy moods?.....well that's where I am right now...*sigh* I can't wait for Monday.

Also. Unfortunately I only caught bits of it...but the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST was on tonight. UK were...erm shit. :P Har Har. Never really been much of a Blue fan, if I'm honest.
Now, Moldova on the other hand! Wowza. Who knew garden gnomes could play instruments...or ride unicycles for that matter!? Seriously though....were they on drugs? I think it quite probable.
Well done Azerbaijan, though! They were good, although the lead singers were a bit flirty...hehe. Just goes to show that everyone loves a bit of romance.

Bacci,
Felix xxx

Who likes short shorts?

Morning all,

Today is Saturday, the best day of the week! It means a lie-in, no school (although I quite enjoy lessons, its the twats I don't miss on the weekend!) and slobbing in my jim-jams.
I meant to post last night but blogger has gone a bit crazy for the past couple of days....apparently they had some data corruption or something and it stopped blogger from functioning propery. Bad times!
Yesterday was an interesting day really. A girl in our year came out as a lesbian o.O
But the best thing was, she came and spoke to me for ages at lunchtime about it. She said she was really impressed by my attitude and it was because of me that she felt comfortable coming out!!!! :O
Lol, it was really sad :P
We sat on a bench in the little wooded bit we have near the rugby pitch. People go there to have sex and to smoke :P lol. Thankfully none of that was happening. But we ate our lunch and chatted and cried together. It was lovely. I hope she is prepared for the haters...
But then again, maybe it will be easier for her, because I'm already out. I hope so. Claire is such a nice girl, I really hope she doesn't get too much shit for it.
Then after school I had another play rehearsal with *sigh* Mattie. Went well. It was a scene before my entrance so I just sat and watched. I think it will be quite a good (if not cheesy) play.
Also something that I'm still grinning at is that Mattie is coming over to my house after school on Monday! EEP. He asked his mum about it on Thursday and because his sister and I are good friends it was apparently, "no problem at all." I CAN'T WAIT!

However although my day was good, my evening left a lot to be desired.
Mum went out and didn't come back last night. I got home to find a note attached to the fridge,
"Felix,
Gone out with some friends. Be back tomorrow.
Be good,
Mum."
So it was just Aaron and I last night. I cooked some pasta (which was very yummy, I must say :P ) and then we went to the park for a couple of hours to play football. That was nice.

Because it was Friday, I let Aaron stay up late and we watched a film lol, "Gamer," with Gerard Butler and a really cute boy, who played, "Percy Jackson," in "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief." He was fit as! Haha. Don't think Aaron liked it because of him, rather for the copious amounts of violence! Lol. He is such a boy.
Anyway. Today I am having a lazy day. Aaron is off into town to meet up with "some friends." I think it is a girl. Hehe. I expect mum to be back around 1pm with a stonking hangover. That will be fun. Wish me luck dealing with her and her post-night-out destructive moods. :S
Anyway. Ciao for now and for apparent reason, other than the fact that I like them, here are some pics of boys in short shorts (actually thanks to underlicious.net for inspiring this picture selection!)

Hehe. Thought I would go a bit vintage today :P And if only the lads I knew would wear shorts THAT short...that would be...erm. YUMMY.
Har Har Har.
Bis später,

Felix x

The Boy #2

Right. So had another drama rehearsal today with Matthew! He is seriously like the cutest thing ever! He has to play this boy who is quite shy and timid at the start but grows and eventually tells this amazing story and wins over the bully. Inspirational really.
I was inspired and this evening, whilst procrastinating and NOT doing my English homework. Bloody short stories are doing my head in. The poetry analysis = great. I can deal with that because it engages me. These short stories we have to read though. UGH. Talk about dry.
Anyway. I started doodling, thinking about Matthew in the play and came up with actually quite a cute drawing.  I thought I would share it with you guys. Thank the Lord for Iphones with good photo editing software!! I had to turn to other alternatives because my camera lead has mysteriously grown legs and wandered off.....

I never really appreciated manga/anime until recently when Aaron started watching something called, "Fullmetal Alchemist," on the Internet. Now I have to say that I really like it, especially the style in which they draw boys. I just find them so cute. Lol, secretly I am 12 year old girl inside. ;) hehe
Anyway, Mattie does look a little like this, although a bit younger, same hair though (although more Bieberish) and I don't think I have the shape of his face quite right....on second thought : Mattie doesn't look much like this drawing at all....lol. Still. Cute though :)
Har Har. Yeah I think Mattie is deffo gay, at least I hope he is / really really want him to be. We chatted a lot and I hugged him when we said goodbye and he just smiled at me and said, "Hasta Leugo Felix!" - He does Spanish where I do German and boy was it cute. Well, I thought my heart was just going to melt on the spot. *crosses fingers*  I really like him.
He is also coming over to my house sometime next week to learn lines.  EEP I can't wait. His sister, one of my good friends, thinks I will be a good role model for him. -- Love you Georgia! :) And to be honest, we really do need to learn the lines. Apparently according to our drama teacher, we are already about a week behind schedule, although we have only been rehearsing for two weeks. :/  I don't even know when the play is....good start eh?!

Yarp. So all good in the land of Felix today thanks to Mattie <3
Hasta Luego,
Felix x

Pics #1

Hi,
Mixed day today. Good lunchtime with Beth and Sam!
Bad chemistry test :( Epic fail, especially on the empirical formula question.
Erm Ethan left me alone today. In fact no one really said anything. Was a good day. Mum's been bad tonight though. Meh. However fear not, I shall not post about something sad or depressing tonight. Tonight is all about my favourite topic: BOYS :)
Here are few pictures that make me melt.

Oh. Aren't they just dreamy? 

Oh and Percy says hi too.

I'm off to bedland.
Mucio Love,

Felix xx

Woah...look at those apes! Oh wait. Those are teenage boys.

Hi blogosphere,
Just un aggiornamento from me, about my day. Well it was mostly alright thanks. We had our 5th Form leaving photo today, which was nice. Meant I spent especially long agonising over my hair this morning!! :P
Had German today :) Literally like my favourite subject. We have the best teacher. Her name is Mrs. Scott and I literally am in love with her. She also happens to be my form tutor and she has been the person I have gone to with my problems this last year. <3 Ich liebe dich, Frau Scott!!
Yeaah. Erm luckily my English teacher was away today, so I didn't have to make puppy dog eyes at him and because I always get into school quite early I managed to do finish my maths homework!
However. We had games today. That means hockey. :) woop usually great. But Ethan was in a foul mood today and decided that my very being offended him. I could tell he was talking about me. He kept flicking those gorgeous brown eyes over at me on the bus (jeesh, I'm still not over him) as we went off to our match. I didn't mind. He can talk :P I know deep down he is a right flamer!! He just hides it well,
Anyway. We gets back to school and begin changing. This is the DREADED time when people have a shower. Thankfully we don't have those communal showers but about 12 cubicles. So at least I can conceal my boner :P
However, apparently, Ethan had been plotting for a while and had decided to play a practical joke...and when I was heading into the shower, Ethan ran up behind me, and called over my shoulder,
"Watch out everyone. The little queer is coming. Guard your arseholes....you know what he wants to do.."
It obviously was the signal and everyone who was in the shower, grabbed their towels and left their cubicles quickly. They wouldn't meet my eyes.
I stood there totally shocked at what I was seeing. It wasn't as if I was even looking at them. All I wanted was to have my shower and go home. But no. Obviously this prank has been in the making for a while. I must hand it over to Ethan, who appeared to be the leader this time - he has good organisation skills! LOL.
He looked at me.
"Enjoy your shower, gay boy." He said and strutted off, flicking his annoying beautiful hair. I just couldn't believe what was happening. You may be reading thinking...nah that sort of thing never really happens. Yeah I thought the same until today. Bastards, the lot of them.
I was this close *mimes small amount* to crying. But I didn't...I was really proud. I did not cry...well maybe a little in the shower, but the water was running so it doesn't really count.
I finished my shower, taking my time. No one else dared come in for fear that I would rape them. Jeesh these boys are 15/6 for fuck's sake!!! I thought they had grown up a bit by now!!! JEESH. makes me so angry sometimes. GRRRR. Hopefully that was the last of Ehtan's little pranks for now. Don't think I have ever felt so bad about being gay. Sometimes it might be better off to be straight...at least then they would leave me alone......
SNAP OUT OF IT. Lol, sorry. Dunno why I even wrote that. Just ignore me...
Meh.
Yeah. So grandma picked me up and dropped me off at mums, where I am writing this. She isn't home yet and Aaron wants me to play some footie in the garden. So think I might go now.

Te amo,
Felix x

Die Einsamkeit

Sometimes I do feel quite lonely.
All is quiet at 2:17am in the Jones' household. Mum and Aaron are sound asleep. It is just me and Percy here. He is asleep at the foot of my bed.
I'm sorry if this is a depressing post, but writing helps me to calm down, to relax and to deal with things. Of course I know that I am not alone, per se. I have friends and I have my family. But now, sitting alone (except for Percy) it is almost as if I were the only person in the whole world. The house is so quiet. We don't live on a main road, but in little cul de sac, and few cars ever really come our way, unless they are the neighbours.
I know it sounds silly, but I really could do with someone to hug...and not just mum, or even you Percy. I dunno. Someone who would be therefore me, just for me all the time. Someone who understands me, someone who wants to be with me, for me. Not because I am clever, or because they think they can take advantage of me. But because they really do care for me.
Someone to cuddle at 2am and hear them tell you it is going to be alright. Feel their heartbeat, hear their soft breathing and know that you are not alone.....
That's what I want.
Jeesh. Now I've started to cry. :S
FML, gonna get tears on my pillow.
Thanks for listening blog (oh and you Percy!). Its nice to know that there is a little corner of the Internet just for me...

Much love from a bleary eyed Felix (and Percy) x

I do believe in fairies...I do...I do...

Ciao everyone,
Today is drawing to a close. I am in my Jim-Jams and am listening to the chillaxing tones of Jason Reeves. Jason is an absolutely amazing singer/songwriter, who I love!!! Here is first of all a little taste of his lovely voice and beautiful guitar melodies...

*Sigh* How I love him.
Well everyone, my day has actually been quite a good day, in the end. I did meet up with that friend, Beth her name is...she is like my BFFL and I am her GBFFL....haha! We went into town and had a coffee and oggled the cute boys that went past and there were a few. Although you will never guess who we bumped into....ETHAN! Ugh. We were in Topshop and he was buying something. When he turned round and saw us it was cringe-worthy. I smiled. He raised his eyebrows and said, "Hi," but then was gone. Oh dear.
As some of the apes (ie. the rugby lads) say, "BARE AWKS." - meaning that it was terribly awkward. Beth, however found it highly amusing and proceeded to laugh her little head off. I could have smacked her. But I didn't.
Then I came home. Mum was soberish, but lucid enough to have a decent conversation with. Aaron was still glued to his new Pokemon game. Apparently he already has 4 gym badges.
Erm then mum went off for a shower and I flopped on the sofa and decided to watch one of my favourite films: PETER PAN...(hence the title of this post!!) Drool at Jeremy Sumpter.
So yeah. Tomorrow brings with it school - that joyous place where everyone is so accepting and so ready not to judge people. BAH.
I really should've done some more work as well. I have exams coming up soon...Granted I did do some work, just not enough. I hope my teachers aren't too disappointed with me. I'll just give them the puppy dog eyes and they probably will let me off, at least long enough to allow me to finish it over lunch time!
Anyway. I'm off to read for a bit but depending on how tired I am....I might post again in a bizzle.
Catch ya later,
Felix x

Oh I do like to be beside the sea side....

Morning.
Its currently 11:13 and I have literally just gotten up...Slice of toast and a cup of cha next to me and I thought that I would update my little blog.
Well last night was actually much less eventful than Friday or Thursday night. Mum went out with some friends and didn't get back til late, so Aaron and I watched Britain's Got Talent. Cute autistic dancer on there last night :)  errm yeah we had some pizza and was all very low key really! And the best bit was that Aaron didn't have a nightmare last night. It was almost 11 by the time he tootled off to bedland so I think he was just too tired. Woop.
What shall today bring? Well I am meeting up with one of my friends later. We are going to go into town and have a coffee and a chat and maybe walk by the sea for a bit.
Oh yeah, I don't think I've said yet. I live on the coast. <3 I love the sea.
And on the theme of the sea:

Thanks to: underlicious.net for the photos!!

Gone Swimmin',
Felix x

The Boy #1

I've met this boy. He is a year younger than me but is lovely. I think he is gay. We sometimes talk at school. He is the brother of one of my friends. I don't know whether she would like it if we went out, although she is convinced he, "bats for your team, Felix." <---- An expression I find slightly annoying, yet amusing.
His name is Matthew and he has blue eyes and really dark brown, Bieber hair. So cute.
He seems quite interesting as well. He plays chess and sings in the choir and is considered a bit of a geek by the fourth years (ie. Year 10s). Which, if I'm being honest is perfect. I too, am considered a bit of a geek and not to mention a "queer," so there are certain social groups I can't or rather am not allowed to spend time with. Mainly the LADS - those apish boys who play rugby.
The hockey lads are kinda in that group, but they have to talk to me when we go to away matches and things, yet they make a point to not talk to me too much, lest I infect them with my GAY GERMS!
Anyway. Mattie and I have both been cast for the summer play, "Sparkleshark." He has the lead and I unfortunately have to play the boy who loves himself, the bully. Which is a role I do not relish. However, if I can pull it off does that mean I am good actor??  :)
However what it does mean is that I have to be horrible to him, on stage anyway! I'll make it up somehow though!  We do however get to spend a lot of time together. I suggested the other day that we should learn our lines together and he seemed really up for it....who knows. It might lead to something....

I'll keep you updated,

Felix x

Nightmares

Tired. That's what I feel today. I went out last night, to a friends birthday party. There was alcohol and some drugs there. I had a few drinks, but didn't have any of the weed. I tried it once but although I felt relaxed I had these weird hallucinations, where I thought the world was squeezing me, crushing me. I remember lying down on the floor and feeling the floor sinking, the world swallowing me up. I was terrified. It was a horrible experience.

But tired. Emotionally tired and physically tired. Alcohol brings with it sometimes more problems. Namely a hangover. But I have problems at home too.

I am quite a happy person really but my mum drinks herself into oblivion every night, leaving me to look after my brother, Aaron. He is a great kid, but sometimes it can get a bit much. 

Like 2 nights ago. 

I'd put Aaron to bed at around 9 30. I came back down stairs to find mum babbling to herself and crying. Like really crying. Rocking back and forth crying. I did, as I have always done: Hugged her. Comforted her. 

Then she begins telling me these stories about her past. (she often does this) but these stories were different and she seemed scared, she was mumbling but I think she was telling me about her brother, who used to hit her. It was horrible. She cried a lot. Then she made me close all the windows and doors and double lock the front door. I don't know why she was scared, but it kinda made me scared too...I think she thought that Uncle Brian was coming to get her. 

I don't know what to do any more. I  made sure mum got to bed and had a little cry myself before falling asleep on the sofa. Aaron had a nightmare too at some point and came and found me. He's been having more and more recently. I'm slightly worried. But I shushed him and took him back to bed before crawling into my own bed, letting the cascades of sleep wash over me. 

Friday I went to school. It was shit. 

Then last night I went out, as I've already said. I got in at 3. Aaron had ANOTHER nightmare last night. 

Is it normal for kids of 11 to have nightmares a lot?

I feel sometimes though as if I'm the parent, the adult in my family. I have to be strong all the time. Sometimes I don't want to be strong. Sometimes I just want to curl up in bed and let the world tear itself to pieces. 

I don't even know if its worth writing about these problems. I dunno even if they are problems. Maybe I am just a moaning kid, who thinks the world is out to get him. 

Meh. 

Felix x

My Favourite Pokemon

Hi,


Well this is a bit of a random post....
Today my brother received a package in the post - very exciting for him. It was his new Pokemon game for his Nintendo DS. 
 -- Perhaps should say, my brother is 11. He is called Aaron, but we call him AJ, or rather he wants us to call him AJ. Often, just to annoy him, I call him "My ickle Aarony," and boy does he go crazy. Hehe. Brothers can be so cruel.  -- 
So, his new game, Pokemon White has arrived and he is glued to it now. But that got me thinking for a bit about Pokemon. I never really watched it or bought the cards. But on my old Game Boy Colour (so retro!) I sometimes played the game.
Did any of you guys ever play Pokemon? If so, which Pokemon was your favourite? 
Mine was: 

Yes. Dragonite. He was definitely the best. He had the best moves like...err....Hyper Beam....etc! 

I have loved dragons ever since I was very little and then when Pokemon came along and you could catch and train your own ...well I found it very exciting indeed!!! 

Haha. Hope I haven't just shown myself up to being a wee bit sad.....

Anyway yeah.

Dragonite was the best. End of. 

Peace out, 

Felix x

Britain's Got Talent

OMG.
I think this has to be one of my favourite TV moments. This boy was amazing :) and unbelievably cute! 

Spread the word: Ronan for the win!


Peace out,
Felix

Naja, ich gebe zu: Ich bin schwul

Well, I'm 15 and I'm out. 

For me, I never really expected to come out. To be brutally honest, It never really hit me that I was "gay." I think I have always been gay. I've never looked at girls really. Even when I was really little, I always to hold my friend, John's hand and never any of the girls hands...

But my "coming out," happened in year 8, when I was 12. 

There was this boy and he was gorgeous. He had joined our school from somewhere else, Rugby School maybe? I dunno. Well, I became slightly...erm, what's the word: 

Obsessed? 

Besotted? 

Love-Sick? 

All of the above, actually. He looked a bit like Jeremy Sumpter - tje blonde one from Peter Pan and unfortunately for me, I fell head over heels for him. 

He had this really nice voice and wicked dark eyes. He played hockey, which was good because I also played hockey, sweeper...defence, for those who don't know the game. He was a goalie, so we would chat during matches and things. Gradually we became quite good friends. His name is Ethan.

I really don't know whether he ever noticed me looking at him funny, but maybe. I'm not exactly camp, well I can be sometimes but not like some people are. I would sometimes go round to his house after hockey practice and play on his Xbox 360, I even stayed over a few times and I am sure he never thought I was gay. 

Haha the only bad thing about spending so much time with him, was that I was completely IN LURRVE. I thought about him all the time, I even wrote about him sometimes, in the journal I keep by my bed. Lol, looking back now it was really silly and cringe worthy   

"I really like Ethan. He is so lovely and funny and sweet. I just wanna kiss him..." <---- taken from my journal...the abridged version.  **Blushes** You get the idea. 

ANYWAY...As we moved into February, everyone was thinking about St. Valentine's Day - the day of <3 love. So was I. I had decided that I would tell Ethan about my feelings for him and I knew, deep down that he had the same feelings for me. :S How naive I was. 

I had had it all planned for weeks. 

I wrote him a little note, asking him to come and meet me for lunch and put it in his locker. *sigh* I know. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. But that was mistake number 1. Apparently boys don't leave other boys notes, inviting them to lunch - I hadn't got the memo. 

He came, though and whether or not he suspected anything - he didn't say.

We chatted for a bit, sitting on the field and ate our lunch. Then steeling myself, I moved my hand onto his and he looked at me quizzically. Plucking up more courage than I have ever used before, I said,

"I love you." Then I kissed him. Right on the lips. Looking back now, it was completely stupid. The whole thing. So cheesy and I did bring it on myself. Idiot...

But he was not a happy and didn't share my feelings. Now I know, he is actually quite homophobic. He pushed me off, shouting "What you doin'? Fucking queer!" Then he stood up to leave, and I grabbed his arm, trying to explain. It had all gone wrong. I was scared. 

Lol, and then the worst bit:  He punched me. Punched me right in the face. I was shocked and really hurt, not to mention embarassed. :( 

He looked at me, me clutching my poor lip and ran off. I don't know whether he told people or if people had seen, but it spread through the year really quickly.

I just sat there on the field, crying, blood running down my chin. Hmmm...bad times. After that, everyone knew that I was the "Queer" -  the one to be avoided. There are some really big twats at my school and they still call me names and pester me. 

Ethan really wasn't that nice, dunno what I ever saw in him?! I was amazed at how bad people can treat you. We never really patched up our friendship. We are amicable now and still play hockey together, but there is a wall that can't be broken down between us now. I put up with a lot of name calling but I am a believer in, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Haha but they sure get close. The only thing is that I kinda accept it. I accept me now.  

Stupid Ethan, being so damn attractive. Causing me so much grief. Who knew a single kiss could prove to be so much trouble!! 

Anyway. That is the brief story of me coming out. 

I think the last word should go to the boy, my Ethan (HA!) looked so much like: 

Peace out,

Felix

Ahoy there! :)

Wow. It's finally happening. I've started a blog. 

This isn't Percy...
I just love the photo

For months, I have been procrastinating and saying, "I'll start a blog soon enough..." I have finally gotten round to actually doing it. This, hopefully will be a place where I can rant to the world about the most trivial things that happen in my life...they may be worth reading, they may not. 
I'll let you decide.

A brief introduction: 
Hi, my name is Felix.

I am almost 16. 
I am a student. 
I live in England. 
I speak German and a bit of Italian...
I'm gay. 

carino, no? 

I wish I looked like him --------------->
My favourite food is sushi.
I love to write.
I can juggle.
When I'm older I want to be a dragon! 
I love Polaroids.
I have a cat, called Percy. I love my cat. <3

***

I think that those are the most important things for the moment. Undoubtedly, more idiosyncrasies will rear their little heads as I post. I think I may post about lots of things. My life, art, language and of course, about boys...hehe. Also, keep your eyes peeled for some fiction uploads. I have lots of stories buzzing away in my pea-brain and I think this could be the right place to set them free, like birds flying the nest....

Felix