"Does this mean I'm mental?"

As I in my previous but one post, I went to see a counselor yesterday. I suppose that's why I decided to post again after having not posted for ages.
Following what happened with mum, I have been really down and kinda lost interest in lots of things. I have been grumpy and lol sometimes I even annoy myself with how grumpy I am! Lol, i spoke to a teacher at school and she said it was probably a good idea to see someone and with what social services said. So off i popped yesterday. Auntie Julie took me, lol and we went for pizza afterwards as well.

The counselor's name is Anne and she was really nice and easy to talk to. We chatted about lots of things but mainly how i was feeling and how i feel with mum and everything.
Lol we played some game things (things to psychologically read my mind or something!!!! :S ) Lol but it turns out im suffering from some depression and a bit of anxiety :S not all the time. When im happy im alright, but when im down i get really down, she said it was a "coping mechanism" that i use to push everything down really deep and not look at it, so i can help mum and deal with her transferred pressure. But then when it comes to the surface its quite powerful. She said thats what happens sometimes. :S Something about suppression or something. Lol i think the stress of everything kinda got to me. :S But i feel ok today. Hopefully talking to her and working on some of the things she told me will help somewhat. I hope so. The good thing is she didnt think i needed medication, not yet at least. lol. It did ask her when she "diagnosed" me with being depressed, "Does this mean im mental?" and she just laughed and said that it was understandable after everything I've gone through, apparently. Lol. I liked her.

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In other news....me and Mattie have been spending quite a lot of time together and although it turns out he is not actually gay, (i think he is bi) and we arn't really going out, we are becoming really really close. I <3 it. I've slept around his house as well and we kissed again lol. I don't even care about him becoming my boyfriend as long as I can spend time with him! :) 

Also I've been having GCSE exams over the past couple weeks as well. Urgh, they have gone quite well on the whole, but with all this stuff it has been hard to find time to properly revise. I have a maths one tomorrow. :S Oh god. Granted, I am quite good at maths, but i really can't be arseddddd to have to sit through a 2 hour paper, doing algebra and shit. Meh. Lol I'd rather just spend time with Mattie! :P 

Anyway. I think thats brought you guys up to whats been going on the past couple of weeks. 

Much love as always,

Felix xx

Who likes short shorts?

Morning all,

Today is Saturday, the best day of the week! It means a lie-in, no school (although I quite enjoy lessons, its the twats I don't miss on the weekend!) and slobbing in my jim-jams.
I meant to post last night but blogger has gone a bit crazy for the past couple of days....apparently they had some data corruption or something and it stopped blogger from functioning propery. Bad times!
Yesterday was an interesting day really. A girl in our year came out as a lesbian o.O
But the best thing was, she came and spoke to me for ages at lunchtime about it. She said she was really impressed by my attitude and it was because of me that she felt comfortable coming out!!!! :O
Lol, it was really sad :P
We sat on a bench in the little wooded bit we have near the rugby pitch. People go there to have sex and to smoke :P lol. Thankfully none of that was happening. But we ate our lunch and chatted and cried together. It was lovely. I hope she is prepared for the haters...
But then again, maybe it will be easier for her, because I'm already out. I hope so. Claire is such a nice girl, I really hope she doesn't get too much shit for it.
Then after school I had another play rehearsal with *sigh* Mattie. Went well. It was a scene before my entrance so I just sat and watched. I think it will be quite a good (if not cheesy) play.
Also something that I'm still grinning at is that Mattie is coming over to my house after school on Monday! EEP. He asked his mum about it on Thursday and because his sister and I are good friends it was apparently, "no problem at all." I CAN'T WAIT!

However although my day was good, my evening left a lot to be desired.
Mum went out and didn't come back last night. I got home to find a note attached to the fridge,
"Felix,
Gone out with some friends. Be back tomorrow.
Be good,
Mum."
So it was just Aaron and I last night. I cooked some pasta (which was very yummy, I must say :P ) and then we went to the park for a couple of hours to play football. That was nice.

Because it was Friday, I let Aaron stay up late and we watched a film lol, "Gamer," with Gerard Butler and a really cute boy, who played, "Percy Jackson," in "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief." He was fit as! Haha. Don't think Aaron liked it because of him, rather for the copious amounts of violence! Lol. He is such a boy.
Anyway. Today I am having a lazy day. Aaron is off into town to meet up with "some friends." I think it is a girl. Hehe. I expect mum to be back around 1pm with a stonking hangover. That will be fun. Wish me luck dealing with her and her post-night-out destructive moods. :S
Anyway. Ciao for now and for apparent reason, other than the fact that I like them, here are some pics of boys in short shorts (actually thanks to underlicious.net for inspiring this picture selection!)

Hehe. Thought I would go a bit vintage today :P And if only the lads I knew would wear shorts THAT short...that would be...erm. YUMMY.
Har Har Har.
Bis später,

Felix x

The Boy #2

Right. So had another drama rehearsal today with Matthew! He is seriously like the cutest thing ever! He has to play this boy who is quite shy and timid at the start but grows and eventually tells this amazing story and wins over the bully. Inspirational really.
I was inspired and this evening, whilst procrastinating and NOT doing my English homework. Bloody short stories are doing my head in. The poetry analysis = great. I can deal with that because it engages me. These short stories we have to read though. UGH. Talk about dry.
Anyway. I started doodling, thinking about Matthew in the play and came up with actually quite a cute drawing.  I thought I would share it with you guys. Thank the Lord for Iphones with good photo editing software!! I had to turn to other alternatives because my camera lead has mysteriously grown legs and wandered off.....

I never really appreciated manga/anime until recently when Aaron started watching something called, "Fullmetal Alchemist," on the Internet. Now I have to say that I really like it, especially the style in which they draw boys. I just find them so cute. Lol, secretly I am 12 year old girl inside. ;) hehe
Anyway, Mattie does look a little like this, although a bit younger, same hair though (although more Bieberish) and I don't think I have the shape of his face quite right....on second thought : Mattie doesn't look much like this drawing at all....lol. Still. Cute though :)
Har Har. Yeah I think Mattie is deffo gay, at least I hope he is / really really want him to be. We chatted a lot and I hugged him when we said goodbye and he just smiled at me and said, "Hasta Leugo Felix!" - He does Spanish where I do German and boy was it cute. Well, I thought my heart was just going to melt on the spot. *crosses fingers*  I really like him.
He is also coming over to my house sometime next week to learn lines.  EEP I can't wait. His sister, one of my good friends, thinks I will be a good role model for him. -- Love you Georgia! :) And to be honest, we really do need to learn the lines. Apparently according to our drama teacher, we are already about a week behind schedule, although we have only been rehearsing for two weeks. :/  I don't even know when the play is....good start eh?!

Yarp. So all good in the land of Felix today thanks to Mattie <3
Hasta Luego,
Felix x

Woah...look at those apes! Oh wait. Those are teenage boys.

Hi blogosphere,
Just un aggiornamento from me, about my day. Well it was mostly alright thanks. We had our 5th Form leaving photo today, which was nice. Meant I spent especially long agonising over my hair this morning!! :P
Had German today :) Literally like my favourite subject. We have the best teacher. Her name is Mrs. Scott and I literally am in love with her. She also happens to be my form tutor and she has been the person I have gone to with my problems this last year. <3 Ich liebe dich, Frau Scott!!
Yeaah. Erm luckily my English teacher was away today, so I didn't have to make puppy dog eyes at him and because I always get into school quite early I managed to do finish my maths homework!
However. We had games today. That means hockey. :) woop usually great. But Ethan was in a foul mood today and decided that my very being offended him. I could tell he was talking about me. He kept flicking those gorgeous brown eyes over at me on the bus (jeesh, I'm still not over him) as we went off to our match. I didn't mind. He can talk :P I know deep down he is a right flamer!! He just hides it well,
Anyway. We gets back to school and begin changing. This is the DREADED time when people have a shower. Thankfully we don't have those communal showers but about 12 cubicles. So at least I can conceal my boner :P
However, apparently, Ethan had been plotting for a while and had decided to play a practical joke...and when I was heading into the shower, Ethan ran up behind me, and called over my shoulder,
"Watch out everyone. The little queer is coming. Guard your arseholes....you know what he wants to do.."
It obviously was the signal and everyone who was in the shower, grabbed their towels and left their cubicles quickly. They wouldn't meet my eyes.
I stood there totally shocked at what I was seeing. It wasn't as if I was even looking at them. All I wanted was to have my shower and go home. But no. Obviously this prank has been in the making for a while. I must hand it over to Ethan, who appeared to be the leader this time - he has good organisation skills! LOL.
He looked at me.
"Enjoy your shower, gay boy." He said and strutted off, flicking his annoying beautiful hair. I just couldn't believe what was happening. You may be reading thinking...nah that sort of thing never really happens. Yeah I thought the same until today. Bastards, the lot of them.
I was this close *mimes small amount* to crying. But I didn't...I was really proud. I did not cry...well maybe a little in the shower, but the water was running so it doesn't really count.
I finished my shower, taking my time. No one else dared come in for fear that I would rape them. Jeesh these boys are 15/6 for fuck's sake!!! I thought they had grown up a bit by now!!! JEESH. makes me so angry sometimes. GRRRR. Hopefully that was the last of Ehtan's little pranks for now. Don't think I have ever felt so bad about being gay. Sometimes it might be better off to be straight...at least then they would leave me alone......
SNAP OUT OF IT. Lol, sorry. Dunno why I even wrote that. Just ignore me...
Meh.
Yeah. So grandma picked me up and dropped me off at mums, where I am writing this. She isn't home yet and Aaron wants me to play some footie in the garden. So think I might go now.

Te amo,
Felix x