Woah...look at those apes! Oh wait. Those are teenage boys.

Hi blogosphere,
Just un aggiornamento from me, about my day. Well it was mostly alright thanks. We had our 5th Form leaving photo today, which was nice. Meant I spent especially long agonising over my hair this morning!! :P
Had German today :) Literally like my favourite subject. We have the best teacher. Her name is Mrs. Scott and I literally am in love with her. She also happens to be my form tutor and she has been the person I have gone to with my problems this last year. <3 Ich liebe dich, Frau Scott!!
Yeaah. Erm luckily my English teacher was away today, so I didn't have to make puppy dog eyes at him and because I always get into school quite early I managed to do finish my maths homework!
However. We had games today. That means hockey. :) woop usually great. But Ethan was in a foul mood today and decided that my very being offended him. I could tell he was talking about me. He kept flicking those gorgeous brown eyes over at me on the bus (jeesh, I'm still not over him) as we went off to our match. I didn't mind. He can talk :P I know deep down he is a right flamer!! He just hides it well,
Anyway. We gets back to school and begin changing. This is the DREADED time when people have a shower. Thankfully we don't have those communal showers but about 12 cubicles. So at least I can conceal my boner :P
However, apparently, Ethan had been plotting for a while and had decided to play a practical joke...and when I was heading into the shower, Ethan ran up behind me, and called over my shoulder,
"Watch out everyone. The little queer is coming. Guard your arseholes....you know what he wants to do.."
It obviously was the signal and everyone who was in the shower, grabbed their towels and left their cubicles quickly. They wouldn't meet my eyes.
I stood there totally shocked at what I was seeing. It wasn't as if I was even looking at them. All I wanted was to have my shower and go home. But no. Obviously this prank has been in the making for a while. I must hand it over to Ethan, who appeared to be the leader this time - he has good organisation skills! LOL.
He looked at me.
"Enjoy your shower, gay boy." He said and strutted off, flicking his annoying beautiful hair. I just couldn't believe what was happening. You may be reading thinking...nah that sort of thing never really happens. Yeah I thought the same until today. Bastards, the lot of them.
I was this close *mimes small amount* to crying. But I didn't...I was really proud. I did not cry...well maybe a little in the shower, but the water was running so it doesn't really count.
I finished my shower, taking my time. No one else dared come in for fear that I would rape them. Jeesh these boys are 15/6 for fuck's sake!!! I thought they had grown up a bit by now!!! JEESH. makes me so angry sometimes. GRRRR. Hopefully that was the last of Ehtan's little pranks for now. Don't think I have ever felt so bad about being gay. Sometimes it might be better off to be straight...at least then they would leave me alone......
SNAP OUT OF IT. Lol, sorry. Dunno why I even wrote that. Just ignore me...
Meh.
Yeah. So grandma picked me up and dropped me off at mums, where I am writing this. She isn't home yet and Aaron wants me to play some footie in the garden. So think I might go now.

Te amo,
Felix x

I do believe in fairies...I do...I do...

Ciao everyone,
Today is drawing to a close. I am in my Jim-Jams and am listening to the chillaxing tones of Jason Reeves. Jason is an absolutely amazing singer/songwriter, who I love!!! Here is first of all a little taste of his lovely voice and beautiful guitar melodies...

*Sigh* How I love him.
Well everyone, my day has actually been quite a good day, in the end. I did meet up with that friend, Beth her name is...she is like my BFFL and I am her GBFFL....haha! We went into town and had a coffee and oggled the cute boys that went past and there were a few. Although you will never guess who we bumped into....ETHAN! Ugh. We were in Topshop and he was buying something. When he turned round and saw us it was cringe-worthy. I smiled. He raised his eyebrows and said, "Hi," but then was gone. Oh dear.
As some of the apes (ie. the rugby lads) say, "BARE AWKS." - meaning that it was terribly awkward. Beth, however found it highly amusing and proceeded to laugh her little head off. I could have smacked her. But I didn't.
Then I came home. Mum was soberish, but lucid enough to have a decent conversation with. Aaron was still glued to his new Pokemon game. Apparently he already has 4 gym badges.
Erm then mum went off for a shower and I flopped on the sofa and decided to watch one of my favourite films: PETER PAN...(hence the title of this post!!) Drool at Jeremy Sumpter.
So yeah. Tomorrow brings with it school - that joyous place where everyone is so accepting and so ready not to judge people. BAH.
I really should've done some more work as well. I have exams coming up soon...Granted I did do some work, just not enough. I hope my teachers aren't too disappointed with me. I'll just give them the puppy dog eyes and they probably will let me off, at least long enough to allow me to finish it over lunch time!
Anyway. I'm off to read for a bit but depending on how tired I am....I might post again in a bizzle.
Catch ya later,
Felix x

Naja, ich gebe zu: Ich bin schwul

Well, I'm 15 and I'm out. 

For me, I never really expected to come out. To be brutally honest, It never really hit me that I was "gay." I think I have always been gay. I've never looked at girls really. Even when I was really little, I always to hold my friend, John's hand and never any of the girls hands...

But my "coming out," happened in year 8, when I was 12. 

There was this boy and he was gorgeous. He had joined our school from somewhere else, Rugby School maybe? I dunno. Well, I became slightly...erm, what's the word: 

Obsessed? 

Besotted? 

Love-Sick? 

All of the above, actually. He looked a bit like Jeremy Sumpter - tje blonde one from Peter Pan and unfortunately for me, I fell head over heels for him. 

He had this really nice voice and wicked dark eyes. He played hockey, which was good because I also played hockey, sweeper...defence, for those who don't know the game. He was a goalie, so we would chat during matches and things. Gradually we became quite good friends. His name is Ethan.

I really don't know whether he ever noticed me looking at him funny, but maybe. I'm not exactly camp, well I can be sometimes but not like some people are. I would sometimes go round to his house after hockey practice and play on his Xbox 360, I even stayed over a few times and I am sure he never thought I was gay. 

Haha the only bad thing about spending so much time with him, was that I was completely IN LURRVE. I thought about him all the time, I even wrote about him sometimes, in the journal I keep by my bed. Lol, looking back now it was really silly and cringe worthy   

"I really like Ethan. He is so lovely and funny and sweet. I just wanna kiss him..." <---- taken from my journal...the abridged version.  **Blushes** You get the idea. 

ANYWAY...As we moved into February, everyone was thinking about St. Valentine's Day - the day of <3 love. So was I. I had decided that I would tell Ethan about my feelings for him and I knew, deep down that he had the same feelings for me. :S How naive I was. 

I had had it all planned for weeks. 

I wrote him a little note, asking him to come and meet me for lunch and put it in his locker. *sigh* I know. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. But that was mistake number 1. Apparently boys don't leave other boys notes, inviting them to lunch - I hadn't got the memo. 

He came, though and whether or not he suspected anything - he didn't say.

We chatted for a bit, sitting on the field and ate our lunch. Then steeling myself, I moved my hand onto his and he looked at me quizzically. Plucking up more courage than I have ever used before, I said,

"I love you." Then I kissed him. Right on the lips. Looking back now, it was completely stupid. The whole thing. So cheesy and I did bring it on myself. Idiot...

But he was not a happy and didn't share my feelings. Now I know, he is actually quite homophobic. He pushed me off, shouting "What you doin'? Fucking queer!" Then he stood up to leave, and I grabbed his arm, trying to explain. It had all gone wrong. I was scared. 

Lol, and then the worst bit:  He punched me. Punched me right in the face. I was shocked and really hurt, not to mention embarassed. :( 

He looked at me, me clutching my poor lip and ran off. I don't know whether he told people or if people had seen, but it spread through the year really quickly.

I just sat there on the field, crying, blood running down my chin. Hmmm...bad times. After that, everyone knew that I was the "Queer" -  the one to be avoided. There are some really big twats at my school and they still call me names and pester me. 

Ethan really wasn't that nice, dunno what I ever saw in him?! I was amazed at how bad people can treat you. We never really patched up our friendship. We are amicable now and still play hockey together, but there is a wall that can't be broken down between us now. I put up with a lot of name calling but I am a believer in, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Haha but they sure get close. The only thing is that I kinda accept it. I accept me now.  

Stupid Ethan, being so damn attractive. Causing me so much grief. Who knew a single kiss could prove to be so much trouble!! 

Anyway. That is the brief story of me coming out. 

I think the last word should go to the boy, my Ethan (HA!) looked so much like: 

Peace out,

Felix