Sunday, 5 June 2011

"Does this mean I'm mental?"

As I in my previous but one post, I went to see a counselor yesterday. I suppose that's why I decided to post again after having not posted for ages.
Following what happened with mum, I have been really down and kinda lost interest in lots of things. I have been grumpy and lol sometimes I even annoy myself with how grumpy I am! Lol, i spoke to a teacher at school and she said it was probably a good idea to see someone and with what social services said. So off i popped yesterday. Auntie Julie took me, lol and we went for pizza afterwards as well.

The counselor's name is Anne and she was really nice and easy to talk to. We chatted about lots of things but mainly how i was feeling and how i feel with mum and everything.
Lol we played some game things (things to psychologically read my mind or something!!!! :S ) Lol but it turns out im suffering from some depression and a bit of anxiety :S not all the time. When im happy im alright, but when im down i get really down, she said it was a "coping mechanism" that i use to push everything down really deep and not look at it, so i can help mum and deal with her transferred pressure. But then when it comes to the surface its quite powerful. She said thats what happens sometimes. :S Something about suppression or something. Lol i think the stress of everything kinda got to me. :S But i feel ok today. Hopefully talking to her and working on some of the things she told me will help somewhat. I hope so. The good thing is she didnt think i needed medication, not yet at least. lol. It did ask her when she "diagnosed" me with being depressed, "Does this mean im mental?" and she just laughed and said that it was understandable after everything I've gone through, apparently. Lol. I liked her.

In other and Mattie have been spending quite a lot of time together and although it turns out he is not actually gay, (i think he is bi) and we arn't really going out, we are becoming really really close. I <3 it. I've slept around his house as well and we kissed again lol. I don't even care about him becoming my boyfriend as long as I can spend time with him! :) 
Also I've been having GCSE exams over the past couple weeks as well. Urgh, they have gone quite well on the whole, but with all this stuff it has been hard to find time to properly revise. I have a maths one tomorrow. :S Oh god. Granted, I am quite good at maths, but i really can't be arseddddd to have to sit through a 2 hour paper, doing algebra and shit. Meh. Lol I'd rather just spend time with Mattie! :P 
Anyway. I think thats brought you guys up to whats been going on the past couple of weeks. 

Much love as always,
Felix xx


  1. Hello Felix
    It's good to hear from you again, but saddening to hear you've had such a difficult time in the interim. As your counselor said, it's no surprise that you struggle sometimes with all the pressures that are put upon you. That you can be as well-balanced as you are in the circumstances is testament to your resilience and maturity.
    It's good that you have found a way to be with Mattie in a scenario that suits you both. Long may that continue. And I can easily understand choosing him over exams(!), but the best of luck with the academic stuff, anyway.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

  2. Glad i've come across your blog Felix (what a great pseudonym, may i say!) from your comment on mine.
    I really like your writing style and your posts are interesting for me to read... except from BGT and Eurovision. Cant stand that tripe *hides*

    Anyway, i'ma following now ;D
    Its awesome reading another blog from someone the same age who is also in the UK.

    Btw, im really happy for whats going on between you and Mattie, but i will admit im quite jealous :P
    Nothing like that ever happens to me :/

    Rowan <3

  3. Hi, Felix,
    It's been almost three weeks this time... It all sounded pretty full on last time, though, so I'm just hoping you're OK, and wishing you well,
    All the best,